To Do It Myself, or Not

One of the reasons Jake and I decided to put off our ceremony for so long was that we wanted to have the money to be able to have the awesome swanky wedding that we both really wanted.

Or rather, since weddings are for girls, the awesome swanky wedding that I really wanted.

I rarely allow myself to indulge when it comes to... well, everything. I try to keep it cheap but not sleazy. Our Yellowstone vacation this summer is probably going to involve some less-than-five-star accommodations, but we aren't going to be sleeping with cock-a-roaches or anything like that. That's how I operate: cheap but not cheap.

Well, for my wedding, I want an insanely fancy affair. Not fancy, as in, uptight super-formal wedding. I mean fancy like, ceremony and reception at a crazy-nice venue, the yummiest food in the area, fantastic flowers, etc. And all that is going to be quite expensive.

I think I've finally decided that I want the wedding to be on Key West. I'm trying to keep my guests in mind. While Key Largo has better diving, Key West has better dry-land attractions for those guests who can't dive. And in my never ending quest to be the Antibridezilla, I want my guests to be able to enjoy my wedding weekend as much as I'm going to.

I'm lazy, though. I'm sure I could do all the research and legwork needed in order to sniff out the perfect place for the wedding, but I don't want to. So I'm thinking about hiring a planner to do all that junk for me.

I was thinking of this planner. They seem legit. I have a bit of time to decide, though, so if they're still around in 4 years, they just might hear from me.

Bridesmaid Dresses for Bridesmaids That I May or May Not Even Have

I like shopping. I'm not super girly or a shopaholic by any means, but I still enjoy shopping, especially Interwebs shopping. Which is why I've been flipping through digital bridesmaid dress catalogues with zeal - even though I may not even have bridesmaids. Some of them are so pretty! Here are a few of my favity-faves.

I think the top is my favorite, but the bottom would be better for any bridesmaid(s) that wanted to wear a bra. Being a busty gal myself, I know what an asspain it can be to try to wear strapless stuff.

Bridezilla Watch, Episode One: Familial Bandits

OK this isn't really about a Bridezilla, but when I read it, it was so horrible that I had to post it here!

The following story is from www.etiquettehell.com, listed as WickedWitches1005-07:

My very best friend had planned a modest yet tasteful wedding and reception. The ceremony was beautiful, the Bride was beautiful, and the reception pavilion was beautiful. The bride had invited her biological mother and her 2 step-sisters that she hadn’t seen in 10 plus years.  

The problem you ask? Towards the end of the night, we began to fill the limo with the gifts, cards, money from dollar dance, etc. As I was very intoxicated and in charge of this endeavor, I had asked the limo driver, who is also a good friend, to assist me with getting everything into the limo. (Note: I couldn’t climb in and out in my dress!!).  

On one of my last trips, I notice that a very special handmade gift bag was not on the seat where I had left it. I ask the driver about this. He said that bio-mom and step-sis wanted to see the pictures that were on the bag. Okay, no big deal. 

We then attempt to locate them, when in the pit of my stomach I get this horrible feeling. Frantically we search, but to no avail. They seem to have disappeared, all three of them. We find the bride; I try my best to explain what we think may have occurred without naming names, it is her mom after all, and continue to search for the bag. By the time everyone is ready to leave, the bride and I are in tears. She had attempted to make contact with bio-mom and was threatened with physical harm if she tried to contact them again. 

Long story short, I felt extremely guilty, the bride was heartbroken, not only over the money that was stolen but over the fact that she wouldn’t be able to properly thank everyone for their gifts, let alone the gorgeous bag that was made for her, and the groom was steaming mad that someone, especially family, would do this to someone on there wedding day. 

It was very sad, but in the end it all worked out. Everyone that had given checks or gift cards, cancelled them, and everyone else was very understanding of the situation. 

This was 3 years ago, and bride has yet to hear from bio-mom or her step-sisters. The nerve of some people.

Holy shit, dude! Can you imagine being robbed by your family at your own wedding?  At least those are three birthday cards you don't have to worry about every year.

The Half-Marathon of Doom

Jake and I signed up for a half-marathon in September. We're going to start training once the snow goes away. Is this the perfect way to get into awesome shape for my eventual wedding? Maybe.

But more importantly, it's a way for me to gauge exactly how in-shape I can get post-baby. I've heard that sometimes, your baby-belly will stick around even when you've done everything to lose it. Training for a half-marathon will be a good way to get rid of my baby-flub... if I can.

Bridezilla Watch

Bride

- noun

A newly married woman or a woman about to be married.

Godzilla

- noun

An aquatic Japanese movie monster with atomic breath and ninja skills.

Bridezilla

- noun

A neologistic portmanteau of "bride" and "Godzilla;"

a woman in the process of planning a wedding

who acts like a total bitch to everyone within striking distance.

Beware of her atomic breath; however, most Bridezillas

lack ninja skills.

I'm Not As Original As I Thought I Was

My favorite flower is the bird of paradise (and for those who care, my least favorite is the red long-stemmed rose. I like tea roses just fine), so the bird of paradise is kind of the theme for the wedding.

If you do a Google search for bird of paradise wedding, there are countless hits and pictures. There are special bird of paradise invitations and thank-you cards (which are mostly pretty tacky IMO).

Kinda tacky.

There are bird of paradise bouquets and hairpieces and table decorations and candles and frickin' everything. It kind of upsets me, because I hate doing things that everyone else is doing, and apparently the bird of paradise is something that everyone else is doing.

I don't care, though. Not this time. I love that flower, dammit, and I'm going to have it at my wedding. Maybe it won't permeate every fold and fiber associated with the wedding, but it will definitely be prominent. And what's wrong with that? My wedding will be unique in other ways.

But I might steal these ideas anyway...

If You Don't Like It, Suck It!

I have found my cake!

Kind of.

It's a combination between this

and this

I like the second cake's flower accouterments better than the first. However, I do love cupcakes.

So how about uhhh... the top of the cupcake mountain will be crowned with the second cake, and the cupcakes themselves will have flowers on them that match the ones on the cake proper.

I'm a goddamn genius.